Anschreiben Data Warehouse Specialist in Englisch

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aliscafi
Beiträge: 10
Registriert: 30.10.2009, 11:03

Anschreiben Data Warehouse Specialist in Englisch

Beitrag von aliscafi » 15.11.2012, 22:05

Hallo,

vielen Dank didilu. Ihre Anmerkungen waren sehr hilfreich, insofern wir das vorherige Anschreiben komplett geändert und versucht haben, das Neue persönlicher zu gestalten.

Hoffe es ist uns gelungen :)

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Dear Ladies, Dear Gentlemen,

My family moved to Frankfurt in January 2012 and I would like to join them as soon as possible.
I have been working as an IT technical assistant for 20 years and would like to find an employment in the same field in the region of Frankfurt.

Thanks to the very long experience in the Institute I´m currently working at, I could directly take part at the technical evolution, which has been very fast and radical. Starting the early 90´s from bulky IT-Systems with low computing power to modern networks with server virtualization, rather than software distribution by web or through applications such as Citrix Xen-App.

Working for many years as software developer, first in Cobol then in Visual Basic, have taught me that every job, even when it seems to be very complicated at first sight, if approached in an analytic way, step by step, finally can be solved.

Currently, I deal with Data Management on SQL Server 2005 where I collect data from different procedures and which are used on our Intranet site and as feeding for OLAP cubes of SQL server for a BI-software. Thus means a very good knowledge in T-SQL, as well as and in creating projects of Integration Services for the import of data in various formats.
Especially during the last years I had the role of a technical interface with the external software houses for the implementation of our procedures. Further I am in charge with the internal user support.

I like sharing my skills, compare my ideas and opinions with others inside a working team.
Responsibility and accuracy are very important for me.

You are looking for someone who should be motivated to work with your company. Well, I am very fascinated of the vitality inside countries such as these you are mentioning in your advertisement and it would be a personal enrichment to work with you, who gives those people a chance to realize their projects. I would be glad to get an opportunity to bring my know-how into your company.

Currently, I don´t have German language skills yet, but I am going to start a crash course in January 2013.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Yours sincerely,

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therese
Bewerbungshelfer
Beiträge: 1945
Registriert: 26.10.2010, 23:12

Beitrag von therese » 15.11.2012, 23:50

Hi,

jetzt weiß ich nicht ob du mein deutsch verstehst, weil im Anschreiben steht du sprichst kein deutsch. Aber englisch ist mir grad um die Zeit echt zu heavy, sorry. Hope you can translate that yourself :)
Also mir würds helfen mal die Stellenbeschreibung zu lesen.
Spontaner Eindruck: SQL 2005 ist ein wenig arg alt. Wenn du dich mit 2008 und 2012 gar nicht auskennst, würde ich versuchen mich da mal reinzulesen um das 2005 streichen zu können.
Es klingt auch nicht nach 20 Jahren Erfahrung was du schreibst. OLAP Würfel erstellen, Querys auslesen ... das machen heute schon Azubis - nicht böse gemeint, nur als Denkanstoß, ich kenne ja die Anforderungen nicht.
"Different procedures" würde ich genauer benennen. Heutzutage machen Rechenzentren wesentlich mehr und komplexere Dinge als einfach nur Daten sammeln.
Mit welchen anderen Tools hast du noch gearbeitet, wenn auch nur am Rande?
Aber wie gesagt: Wichtig ist für eine Beurteilung die Stellenbeschreibung.

svear
Beiträge: 4
Registriert: 12.02.2013, 21:32

Beitrag von svear » 13.02.2013, 00:28

Hey! Hope that helps you a bit... especially tried to correct some grammar / spelling errors and raised some questions regarding to your previous job descriptions.
To whom it may concern,
My family recently moved to Frankfurt in January 2012. Therefore, I would like to join as soon as possible.
Who? Join your family? I dont think that would fit into your job application, reconsider that
During the past 20 years I worked as an IT technical assistant.
Never heard of an technical IT assistant... your basically saying Information Technology Technical Assistant... doesnt exist imho, rather you worked as an IT professional in xy. You're too generic
[...] would like to find an employment in the same field in the region of Frankfurt.
Rather "Find a job opportunity in the field of Data Warehousing in Frankfurt" - just be more specific :)
Thanks to the very long long experience in the Institute I´m currently working at, I could directly take part at the technical evolution, which has been very fast and radical.
Rewritten:
Due to my experience at the Institute XY where I'm currently working as a(n) XY, I was able to take part at the technical evolution in/at XY.

Working for many years as software developer first in Cobol then in Visual Basic, have taught me that every job, even when it seems to be very complicated at first sight, if approached in an analytic way, step by step, finally can be solved.

Rewritten:
My extensive job experience as a software engineer, from Cobol to Visual basic, taught me how to solve complex problems in an analytical way by using a step-by-step process.


Currently, I deal with Data Management on SQL Server 2005 where I collect data from different procedures and which are used on our Intranet site and as feeding for OLAP cubes of SQL server for a BI-software. Thus means a very good knowledge in T-SQL[..]

Rather describe the process in a ETL process and put this into one short sentence by stating that you have an advanced knowledge in T-SQL

Especially during the last years I had the role of a technical interface with the external software houses for the implementation of our procedures. Further I am in charge with the internal user support.

What is the role of a technical interface? That doesnt sound like a role. Moreover, be more specific, a technical interface can be anything. Rather say you hold the key position between the external software houses and your company/department/functional team.


I like sharing my skills, compare my ideas and opinions with others inside a working team.
Responsibility and accuracy are very important for me.

Your share your knowledge, not specifically your skills. Moreover, state how you received those traits you describe there in terms of experience

You are looking for someone who should be motivated to work with your company. Well, I am very fascinated of the vitality inside countries such as these you are mentioning in your advertisement and it would be a personal enrichment to work with you, who gives those people a chance to realize their projects. I would be glad to get an opportunity to bring my know-how into your company.


1.Leave the first sentence out, this is just too common (would they search for someone unmotivated?)
2. Dont use colloquial speech such as "Well..."
3. The second sentence is too long, split it up and do not say you like those countries because their vital, but why they relate to you



I look forward to hearing from you.

Yours sincerely

The other way around:
Sincerely yours, ....


Hoped that helped :)

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